Monday, October 19, 2015
The annoying monotonous beeps of the monitors seemed far into the distance. As his eyes slowly opened the beeps became louder and he remembered where he was. His eyes roamed the room landing on the sleeping form of Spencer Reid who’d volunteered to sit with him until he regained consciousness. He immediately tried to sit up but was pulled back onto the bed by the pain now also awake in his body. Reid quickly stood and approached the bed.
“She’s fine. The doctor gave her something to relax her. It was just a panic attack; it’s to be expected.”
Morgan allowed his body to relax as he stared at the ceiling. He needed to be with her. He wanted to apologize for upsetting her and for so many other things that would have to wait.
“I tried to comfort her…to hold her but she just freaked out, man.”
“Morgan, it’s going to take time lot’s of time. You both went through a stressful ordeal.”
Morgan looked away from his friend; he didn’t want to see his face when he asked the next question.
“Did he rape her?”
“Morgan, I think you should…”
Morgan turned and faced his friend with fury and tears in his eyes.
“Did he rape her?”
“No Morgan, he didn’t rape her.”
Morgan exhaled and turned his eyes back to the ceiling.
“She’s still going to have the same feelings of violation and betrayal and anger. If he hadn’t been impotent he would have raped her and none of us could have stopped him. Not even you.”
“I saw him on top of her…she was naked and his hands were…”
“You saw what he wanted you to see. He was simulating the act and he did everything to her except penetrate her. Morgan, look at me!”
Morgan reluctantly turned to face his friend.
“He knew you were coming. He wanted her to wake up as he was attacking her so she would be terrified.”
“Why? Why her? She’s never hurt anyone in her life and that sick son-of-a-bitch…”
“She’s a strong woman; strong enough to have found a way to defend herself. She killed him! He didn’t see that coming!”
“No he didn’t. How do I help her, Reid? She’s never going to get over this.”
“What about you? The same thing he did to her he did to you.”
“No! What are you talking about?”
“Morgan, you know what I’m talking about. Each time he stabbed you he was simulating the act of…”
“Don’t! Don’t say it! I know what it means, please. I can’t talk about this right now.”
Reid watched his friend’s body stiffen on the bed and withdraw from him as he resumed his fixed study of the ceiling his body slightly trembling as he fought back the tears.
Penelope opened her eyes still heavy from a drug-induced sleep. She saw her friend sleeping quietly in the corner unaware that she was awake. She remained still feeling foolish and embarrassed at her earlier display of emotion. Her mind was beginning to emerge from the fog caused by Anderson’s drug and she remembered the details of her minutes with him; minutes that felt like hours. He’d wanted to terrorize her and humiliate her by drugging her and stripping her of her clothes and dignity. He’d planned to use her shame and violation at his hands as his trophy proving that he had defeated Morgan and the others. She could still feel his hands on her skin, could still smell his wretched cologne in her nostrils and the weight of his body still felt heavy as she moved to find a more comfortable position on the small narrow bed.
She heard a slight groan and knew that JJ was awake and Penelope welcomed her company as she waited for her to look her way.
“Hello Sleepyhead!” She said trying to sound chipper.
“How are you feeling, Garcie?”
JJ cautiously approached the bed and looked down upon her friend. She seemed pale and she wasn’t fooled by her vain attempt at levity.
“I’ve been better and I’ve been worse.”
JJ’s lip trembled as she fought the tears threatening to overtake her.
“Hey, no tears! I’m fine, really. It’s going to okay.”
“Yeah I know it is. I’m just…”
She wiped a tear and took a breath to compose herself.
“…Just happy to see you, that’s all.”
Penelope smiled for the first time since the nightmare had begun; she was happy to be seen as her mother used to say. In spite of everything that had happened she knew that she had won. Anderson’s plans did not included getting stabbed by his own knife. He’d underestimated her light-hearted bubbly nature! He confused it for weakness and she was not weak.
Then she remembered Derek and the look on his face of horror as she pulled away from his touch refusing his comfort. He’d suffered unspeakably at the hands of Anderson and she knew he’d keep that secret even from her. She felt her own tears now.
JJ took her hand and squeezed it gently.
“He’s going to be fine. He collapsed outside your room but he’s going to be fine.”
“I need to see him. I feel horrible for how I treated him, JJ.”
“Morgan loves you and he’s a profiler. He knows your reaction was normal. Believe me he won’t hold it against you.”
“I knew he would come, I knew you all would come.”
“Of course.” She began still holding her hand. “I just prayed we weren’t too late.”
“No, never, you were right on time.”
“As it turned out you didn’t need our help.”
She joked and smiled hoping to lighten the mood. Garcia smiled then quickly sadness covered her face.
“I never thought I’d have to kill someone.”
“It was self-defense, Garcia. Anderson was a sick, sick monster!”
“I know. I just never imagined…that’s what you guys do your trained for it. Me, I’m supposed to sit in my safe world with my babies and master cyberspace.”
“Well, we do what we have to do and tonight you showed just how strong you are and took back your control. I’m so proud of you.”
“Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better.”
Home of Derek Morgan – 2 weeks later –
She’d kept a close eye on him since he’d been home. He walked around gingerly still dealing with the pain of his wounds, still not talking about what had happened and still refusing to reveal his upper body as they lied together each night. Her nightmares had kept her in a constant battle for sleep but she was managing them better now. Morgan on the other hand was suffering and his nights were haunted by his experience with Anderson; joined now with Buford and Foyet…sleep was now just a distant memory for him. He’d complied with the Bureau’s request for therapy and so did she both attending sessions separately and where she was finding some relief and understanding, he was going through the motions. Something needed to change or she knew she’d lose him to the dark pit he was trapped in.
Like the night before and the night before that he hadn’t slept. His body ached more from fatigue than it did from the still healing wounds. Even now as he walked around his kitchen he found each step to be labored and slow and his mind was clouded with his never ending battle not to think. He didn’t want to remember but the more he tried to forget the more his mind remained fixated on his captivity and torture.
“Good Morning, Handsome.”
He hadn’t heard her enter. He flinched as she wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head against his back. She forced herself not to react to his tension, as he’d also been jumpy since being home. Seconds later he relaxed and allowed her touch; another reminder that it would take time for things to get back to normal.
“Hey, it’s early you should still be asleep.”
“So should you.”
“Yeah, well…” he chuckled sadly. “I’d love to still be asleep but…”
She carefully took the cup from his hand and laid it on the counter. She turned him to face her and waited for him to look at her. He did and her heart broke for him as she saw the pain and loss in his eyes.
He watched as her hands slowly approached his face he kept his eyes focused on hers as if it were his lifeline. He steadied himself for her touch as she placed her hands on each side of his face and caressed lightly drawing him toward her. Their foreheads met and he inhaled and pulled her tight against his body. He realized he needed the contact between them; her touch was like a warm balm against his aching body. Even though they’d shared the same bed he had not allowed any physical contact between them.
She felt him tremble slightly as she placed a light kiss on his lips. She waited for his reaction before repeating the action. She felt a twinge of hope as she again kissed him this time running her tongue across his bottom lip politely requesting entry. She smiled against him as he let her in and she deepened the kiss. He joined her as their tongues explored each other’s mouths and danced the dance of control. The need for air caused their bodies to surrender as they breathlessly pulled apart.
He felt emotions stirring within him; emotions that he’d almost forgotten existed and he blinked back his tears willing them to stay in their place. He didn’t want to cry, didn’t want to lose control…control meant power; power to say no and power to fight back and resist being forced to do things against his will.
Then he felt her lips on his face, then moving to his neck. He ran his hands through her hair gently pulling her away from him. She saw in his eyes what he was sure was hidden from her; fear and uncertainty but she kept going for both of their sakes she knew they needed to feel again, to remind each other that the beast hadn’t won this time. She refused to surrender and she refused to let him surrender…she was ready to meet his resistance.
She returned to his lips only this time she didn’t wait for his permission as she plunged her tongue deep within his mouth and hungrily devoured him. His hands began to run circles over her back and shoulders; he was so consumed by the taste of her that he’d momentarily let his guard down. Her hands began to creep beneath his t-shirt brushing purposefully across his abdomen then his chest. He froze and broke the kiss and moved slightly away. She looked up at him in silent expectation watching him process what was happening in his mind.
“I’m not Anderson.” She whispered taking a step toward him.
“I said, I’m not Anderson…and neither are you.”
He ran his hand across his face, neck and over his head trying to make sense of her words. Backing away his body came to a stop against the kitchen island. Quickly she closed the gap between them and facing him took his hands in hers.
“Time for what?”
“Time to stop letting him win, my love.”
“I don’t understand. What do you want from me?”
“I want you to fight this! Derek, you have to fight or Anderson’s plan worked!”
He pushed past her and bolted from the room. He suddenly felt dirty, worthless, like the little boy, who’d spent the weekend in a small cabin with a man who he thought loved him. He found himself in the bathroom and with a trembling hand turned on the shower. He caught his reflection in the mirror just before it clouded over with steam. His stomach wretched at the sight of the scars that ran over his chest, stomach and arms. The room began to close in and he couldn’t breathe and in that moment he wanted to die.
She heard the water running as she stepped into their bedroom walking slowing toward the bathroom she heard the gut wrenching sounds of agony. She was conflicted in that moment knowing that he’d never want her to see him in this state. But she had to save him; she had to throw him a lifeline because he was sinking fast into the abyss. So, she pushed the door open.
The heat from the steam greeted her as she pushed her way in. He sat on the floor his arms wrapped around his knees that were pulled tightly against his chest. He didn’t acknowledge her presence but she continued to move toward him. As she lowered her body next to his he turned his head to face her. Tears mixed with the wetness of the steam illuminated his face as he sobbed and shook uncontrollably. Tearfully and without saying a word she placed her hand on his arm and immediately he allowed his body to fall against hers as he continued to sob. Wrapping her arms around him tightly she rocked back and forth whispering in his ear.
“I love you, Derek Morgan.”
He shook his head affirmatively unable to speak.
“You’re going to get through this…we both are going to get through this.”
Again he shook his head. Then without warning he shifted and took her in his arms resting his head on her chest and this is how they remained for the next several minutes. The water still running unused in the shower and the steam a thick smoldering cloud around them, the two sat in each other’s arms on the floor. Both of them in pain beyond even their own realization, both needing so much from the other and both drowning and seeking solace in each other’s touch.
“I need you, Penelope.” He whispered so softly he wasn’t sure she heard him.
She did and a small smile found it’s way onto her face.
“I need you too, Derek.”
Now their healing could begin…
“Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy.” - Sai Baba
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Defying doctor’s orders he’d left his room and now sat peacefully next to her bed each movement of her chest confirming that she was safe and alive. He held her hand firmly in his grip as he waited for her to open her eyes. Ignoring his pain and earlier warnings of possible re-injury if he left his bed, Morgan was where he needed to be and he vowed never to leave her side again.
Thankful that his team had arrived within moments of him finding her and got them both to the hospital although he remembered none of what had happened after finding Garcia. Her unconscious naked body lying underneath Agent Anderson haunted him now and the memory would be one she would insist that he share with her. His heart ached for her and the guilt of not protecting her reaffirmed that she was far more than he deserved. He wanted to spare her the details and the true extent of her violation at the hands of that evil monster but it was now a part of her medical history. For now he would just sit next to her watching and waiting until the effects of the drugs left her system and allowed her to fully awaken again.
Hotch and the others congregated in the hallway waiting for an opportunity to go in and see her. They’d seen Morgan sneak into her room holding his arm closely around his body and obviously in great pain. He needed to be in bed recovering but even in his weakened state they knew he wouldn’t be stopped.
“How will they ever recover from this?”
JJ was the only one brave enough to say out loud what the others were thinking.
“Time. Time and patience.” Hotch offered.
“Is that what worked for you, Hotch.”
The senior agent looked thoughtfully into her blue eyes; they both knew it wouldn’t be that easy.
“We may never know what really happened to Morgan. The doctors say that he refused a rape kit.” Rossi added.
“Do you think Anderson…?”
Reid ran a hand through his hair and leaned against the wall. He couldn’t imagine Morgan being victimized in such a way. Even knowing his history of sexual abuse as a child, Morgan the man had proven to be a force that was nearly invincible…no, no way would he allow anything so horrible to happen to him.
“We don’t know Reid and we’re not going to force him to tell us.”
Hotch looked around at each of his agents as a warning to not push Morgan for answers.
“He may not have a choice, Hotch.” Rossi added.
“Why? Anderson is dead. The case is closed.”
“You know the bureau they want answers and details! He’s not going to be able to stay silent.”
Just as the discussion was escalating an older gray-haired woman dressed in green scrubs and a long white lab coat appeared from around the corner. The group turned to face her.
“I’m Dr. Abigail Grisham. You all must be here for Ms. Garcia and Agent Morgan?”
“Yes. I’m SSA Aaron Hotchner. These are, Agents Rossi, Jarreau, and Dr. Spencer Reid.”
Nodded greetings were given and received as the doctor began to give her report on the two.
“How are they, Doctor?” Hotch asked.
“Damn lucky! Agent Morgan sustained multiple stab wounds that appear to have been inflicted to cause pain and not death. He’s lost a lot of blood but no major organs were damaged. We need to keep him still and he may need a transfusion if his body isn’t able to replenish the blood supply on it’s own. Our main concern is infection and the fact that he won’t stay still long enough to allow his body to heal.”
“That may be a problem. He’s not going to stay put until the woman in that room is okay.” Rossi added.
“So I’ve gathered.”
“How is Penelope?” JJ asked.
“Ms. Garcia is a very lucky woman considering. She was given a very strong sedative which had she been given any more would have killed her. She has some bruising on her lower body but we expect to be able to release her in the morning.”
Garcia’s Room –
Her eyes fluttered open and met the hopeful smile of Derek Morgan and her tears immediately began to well up and flow down her face. Gently he brushed them away as well as a few strands of hair from her eyes.
“You’re here.” She said drowsily.
“I’m here Baby Girl.”
“You look horrible.”
“Oh you’re still delicious to look at, my Sweet it’s just…”
“Shh…save your strength. The doctor says it’ll a be a few more hours before the drug is completely out of your system.”
He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it sweetly his eyes never leaving hers.
“I thought I’d never see you again.”
“You can’t get rid of me that easy.”
“Shouldn’t you be in bed?”
“Don’t worry about me I’m just fine.”
Then the expression on her face grew serious and fearful. He knew immediately that she would begin asking a million questions.
“Derek, did he…?”
“Baby Girl, we can talk about this when you’re feeling better, okay?”
“No Derek. I need to know now! Did he rape me?”
“I started waking up and I could feel him…he was on top of me…his breath was hot on my face…his hands…his hands were touching me…everywhere…Derek I was so scared! I couldn’t move! I couldn’t breathe! I just wanted to…die!”
She was hysterical now and he stood to take her in his arms but she wouldn’t have it she needed distance not closeness. Anderson’s face and hands and heavy body on hers was all that she could see now as she thrashed and ran her hands over her arms as if she could scrub the memory of the assault away.
“I’m going to call the nurse so she can give you something, okay?”
Derek pushed the call button and stood helpless near her bed desperately wanting to touch her and to kill Anderson all over again. It broke his heart that she didn’t want him near and that his touch only added to her distress. He tried not to take it personally after all this was a natural reaction but he couldn’t help it. She’d always called him her hero but he was helpless now. He’d been too late to save her this time and she knew it she said as much by pushing him away in shear terror and disgust.
The door opened and two nurses entered followed by Dr. Grisham. He could see the others in the hallway looking on confused and worried. Morgan was quickly ushered out to join them. He watched on helplessly as the door to the room was closed in his face.
JJ watched her friend teary-eyed, as he stood helpless in front of them. She couldn’t imagine what he and Garcia had endured. He was barely standing yet he’d insisted on being here for her. Now he looked so lost that she felt her own heart break for him. She watched as he turned toward them looking far away passed them. Then she saw his legs give away as his body seemed to float toward the ground.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Morgan stumbled through the Emergency Room automatic doors and hailed a cab. He knew it was short of a miracle that he’d managed to get this far without collapsing but he had to get to her. He’d been in the hospital long enough for the doctors to suture and dress his wounds. They were planning to keep him for a few days until he regained his strength and his blood levels returned to normal. He was having none of it he hated hospitals and he needed to get to Garcia.
Anderson had described in great detail what he had planned for her and the thought of her in his hands was too much for him to handle; if he had to crawl then that’s what he would do to make sure she was safe.
BAU Headquarters –
“So beautiful.” He uttered.
He slowly unbuttoned her blouse as she lay motionless on the floor of Derek’s office. His hands trembled slightly as he ran his hand across her lace-covered breast. This would be his ultimate triumph over Derek Morgan and the others. He’d take her body in the most intimate and violent way possible and when he was finished he would mark her with the same knife he’d used to assault Morgan. Then he’d slit her throat and watch her blood spill onto her creamy pale skin as she breathed her last painful breath. He knew they would hunt him down and eventually catch him. It didn’t matter, he relished the thought of the angry man’s dark powerful hands around his throat squeezing the life out of his body as he wheezed and grinned in his face. He would have completed his mission to show them all just who was the smartest and her death would always remind them of just who he was. He would rest in peace knowing that they would be consumed with their guilt for disregarding him as nothing but their errand boy with no first name.
“So beautiful!” He uttered again.
“FASTER!” He yelled at the cabbie.
“I’m sorry sir, I’m going as fast as I can! This traffic is a bitch!”
Derek ran his hands over his head again and again as he looked out of the windows over and over like a mad man. He had to save her, he knew what Anderson would do to her and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t get there in time to save her. She wouldn’t see the trouble coming and he knew she had not paid attention to all of his attempts to teach her self-defense. It had all been a joke to her; she’d accused him of being over-protective. But now, now he cursed himself for not forcing her to pay attention. He checked his watch for the umpteenth time; he was still fifteen minutes away…he knew a lot could happen in fifteen minutes.
BAU Headquarters –
He wondered why women spent so much time and money on lacy things. What was the fascination really? He thought to himself. Only to be ripped off…
He felt the strap give under the stress of his pull.
…and be discarded like garbage in a heap along with the rest of their clothing…
He peeled away the material exposing her entirely now; he couldn’t help but gasp in awe of what he saw…what was his for the taking without resistance and without the need of force. He only wished that he found pleasure in the sweet delicacies of womanhood. He much preferred his time with Derek; watching him squirm and fight against the pain refusing to show fear as he trembled under his touch. He smirked as he ran his hand across her exposed skin and he wondered if Derek would be forthcoming with his friends about their time together. It didn’t matter, he’d come and visit him in his dreams and then the two of them could reminisce together as he’d allow him to keep their little secret.
His hands moved slowly up her thighs pushing her skirt up as they went. More lace matching the ruined bra that now lay next to her head. He felt a rush as the sound of ripping material filled the otherwise quiet room. He felt as if he were watching a scene from a low budget film as his hand touched where only seconds ago the lace had been.
“Yes!” He moaned.
This is what kept the smile on Agent Morgan’s face; the privilege to touch her there…he wished now that she were awake to experience the moment. No matter he was aware of the cameras placed strategically in each corner of the room, so he knew later, much later, the others would watch what he had done to their precious Penelope.
“FASTER!” He yelled again.
He knew it wouldn’t make a difference. The cabbie glanced at him through the rearview mirror and shook his head. It wasn’t the first impatient fair he had in his twenty years driving and he was certain he wouldn’t be the last. So, he kept driving, dodging in and out of traffic as fast has humanly possible.
Derek checked his watch again…5 minutes… his body was betraying him faster than he wanted to admit. Still wearing the thin hospital gown over his pants that was now drenched in his blood he feared that he wouldn’t have the strength to make it out of the cab. 4 minutes…he wondered what Anderson was doing to her now…
Anderson had relieved himself of his clothes and he felt unusually free and powerful as he walked naked around his prey. She still hadn’t moved held firmly in the darkness by the drug he’d shot into her neck. She was totally unaware of her state of being and what he was about to do to her.
He knew his time was running short they knew where he was he’d stuck to the Reaper’s M.O. he wanted them to come and see his masterpiece, the carnage and chaos that he and he alone had created.
“Sir, we’re here!”
The man glanced at his passenger from the rearview mirror. His head was leaning against the side window and his eyes were closed; he strained to see if he was breathing and he sighed in relief as he saw the slight movement of his chest. Then his eyes opened slightly as his bloody hand held out several rumpled bills.
Hotch pulled into the parking lot barely missing a yellow cab that had pulled away from the curb. They thought it odd that a cab would be there at this hour but inquiring about it was not their immediate concern. The four jumped out of the SUV and began running at top speed toward the building.
Morgan cursed the fact that there were no longer any security guards in the evening hours due to budget cuts. The only people in the building would be the mantainence crews and a few stray staff. His bloody hand keyed in his code and the door sprung open. Six flights of stairs awaited him but he didn’t care and he didn’t know where he’d get the strength to climb to where he knew Anderson was holding Penelope.
Hotch noticed the blood on the key pad as he punched in his numbers; he didn’t make any attempt to explain it as the four ran through the door and up the stairs where the trail of blood continued.
Anderson lowered his body on to her as she began to stir slightly. Good, he thought. He needed her awake she needed to know that he was here on her…in her. He planted a hard kiss on her lips as her eyes flitted open slightly. He grinned against her mouth. She moaned as her eyes widened and she became aware of what was happening. He broke the kiss and raised up enough to look into her angry eyes. She opened her mouth to scream but his hand clamped roughly over her mouth muffling her attempts to scream or speak.
She felt his other hand on her throat squeezing and cutting off her air.
“Now, now, Penelope fighting me won’t stop me it just gets me excited.”
She continued to struggle beneath him as he positioned himself between her legs.
“Derek fought me too but it didn’t stop me from doing whatever I wanted to him either.”
She shivered at his touch as he readied himself to do the unthinkable. Both of his hands were busy which meant he was no longer armed so as she struggled her eyes looked around her for the knife.
She heard him call her name and it gave her renewed strength.
“Derek!” She screamed under the hand clamped tightly over her mouth.
Her team was here too! She felt new tears begin to descend down her face as she saw the glint of the knife out of the corner of her eye. He lowered himself further onto her inhaling her jasmine scented cologne. He didn’t see her hand move as he was consumed with the terror in her eyes and the sound of footsteps coming up the steps. They were here, he was here; knowing that he’d beaten them and taken Derek Morgan’s most prized possession was almost as exhilarating as his skin touching hers.
He turned his head toward the door he wanted to make sure he saw the expression on Morgan’s face when he saw the two of them naked on the floor that’s when he felt the sharp pain in his chest; excruciating piercing pain and his eyes jerked back to her. She was smiling now an odd twisted angry smile had spread across her face as the pain increased like a twisting turning…
The knife; he’d set it next to her confident that she’d be in no shape to notice it and too afraid to fight him or move but he was wrong, terribly wrong he knew it now but it was too late. He collapsed with a thud on top of her and just as things became black he heard her laugh.
The sight of the two naked bodies stilled him in his tracks as he yanked open the door of his office. Was she laughing? He thought to himself as he now had to force his weak body forward; the laugh sounded more like crying now.
It was strange that Anderson had not acknowledged his presence surely he would want to see his reaction to him with Penelope like this. Instead, he was still too still for a man intending to force a woman into an ungodly act. It was then that he saw the blood spreading slowing upon the carpet and he grabbed the man with the strength he had left and yanked him away from her. She was covered in red smeared as if she’d been painted. He threw the man’s lifeless body to the side and scooped her into his arms. Her eyes were glazed over in shock, fear and shame. As he rocked her naked shivering body he felt the remainder of his strength leave his body as the darkness pulled him in and away from her.